Jump

Jump

Your knees are shaking, your palms are sweaty. Jump. Your throat tightens and a sob escapes your mouth. The ground looks so far away but so close at the same time. Your breathing becomes rapid. It’s just an easy fall, is what you said earlier, all that’s left is for the ground the catch you. 

The ground. The thing holding you up in this world. Millions of tiny hands, all pushing you up in a comforting manner. Pushing you to stand when you would stumble as a child. Over all of the years you’ve been walking on this earth, you’ve been walking on the ground. There is a deep pain throbbing throughout your entire body now. Something deeper than a sob rolls out of your chest and you find it hard to breath. Your vision blurs and hot tears cascade like rivers from your eyes. 

There is a sensation of something much more than depression in your stomach now. You feel like the ground is watching you, staring up at your rooftop as you bite through your lips. You can almost see the hands reaching up to catch you for when you decide to jump. You feel in your heart that this is what you want, what you think you want. But the ground hasn’t given up on you yet has it? The ground hasn’t let you suddenly fall out of nowhere has it? Why would it now? 

White hot anger begins to screech through your mind and you find yourself yelling towards the ground. The reasons you were running through your head seem childish now as you finally face your fears. All the hands can do is stare sadly up at you in their outstretched fashion, awaiting your final fall. You know that if you push yourself over the edge, that the ground will catch you. You feel that if you time it right you could slip right past the hands grasps, to not be caught in their comforting embrace. But at the same time you know the it is futile. The ground is strong, and it cares too much about you to let you die here. 

Suddenly you see yourself in a wheelchair, the ground moving pebbles out of your way as you slowly make it across the hospital parking lot. You feel the sensation of relief as you are finally allowed to leave once more, only to never walk again. The ground wouldn’t let you fall. Not now. Not when you have so much to continue towards. Those hands that are so strong they can move cars out of your path would never miss a small teenage girl. 

Your stomach does flips as you feel the compassion and love coming up from the rock hard beings below. What once seemed like such a final solution suddenly has no feeling anymore. Fear replaces your resolve and you find yourself falling backwards, your body colliding hard with the cement behind you. Stars blink briefly in front of your eyes but are replaced with a heat that makes you smile. The hands are reaching you now, consoling your shattered mind into peace. You can feel the small amount of warmth in your stomach, something so small that it will never overcome the pain that you feel. The struggles that you endure. Such a small comfort seems like nothing in the face of dealing with your everyday problems. But yet you find a strand of peace amongst the fraying rope of your life. The ground would rather shatter than watch you break upon its face, the ground would never want to see you die. 

It isn’t much, the grounds love for you. But something believes in you and your ability to move on and do great in this world. A single being believes in you, that alone is worth living for.